Dyadic Development Psychotherapy as an approach to therapy for children and young people that have been through trauma. One aspect of this approach uses the anachronym PACE where PACE stands for
- Playful
- Accepting
- Curious
- Empathetic
This approach, whilst not an exact, like for like fit for adult pastoral care may stull help us to think about how we approach pastoral counselling in the church setting.
Playful
We may baulk for different reasons at some of the terms, especially the first two. Certainly if we take “playful” to means playing kids games, then that might not exactly fit. Though, dare I say it, there seems to be sometimes be a playfulness to Jesus, such as when he talks with the Gentile woman about the dogs picking up the scraps from under the table or when he tells the disciples to go and sort out the food for the 5000.
However, first, sometimes we need to find ways to help people feel safe and secure to open up, so that pastoral care does not carry the intensity, always of the meeting in the pastor’s study/office. Maybe it is about going and playing pool, taking a walk or just meeting up at Costa. At other times, there is benefit in going the opposite way and saying that we need to set aside serious focused time and so, yes this may mean meeting in the study/office at the church building.
I also wonder if this heading might draw our attention to two other things. First, that whilst we take God and the needs of the person in front of us deeply seriously, we don’t take ourselves too seriously enabling a humble approach. Secondly, it should pick up something of the sheer joyfulness of the Christian life.
Accepting
Keen observers of the recent debates about “empathy” will observe at this point that in psychotherapy terms, empathy and acceptance are two distinct things. This recognition may have saved a lot of blog writing time.
Even still, it is perhaps helpful to think through what we mean by “accepting.” As I understand it, this is not about accepting behaviours. Rather, it is about accepting the person unconditionally, taking then, all or nothing with all that comes with them and loving them. Incidentally, it also means that we don’t accept the circumstances that have caused suffering either. Of course, we may need to recognise that those circumstances may not be changeable but we can still be angry at the evil that causes suffering and lament the situation that those we love find themselves in.
Curious
Curiosity is crucial for church leaders and those with discipleship and pastoral care. In wider life, we associate it with the desire to investigate, analyse and understand. It’s characterised by asking “why?” In DDP contexts it involves offering “I wonder if…?” statements. This can be helpful where “why might antagonise or simply illicit the genuine response “I don’t know”. This may also be helpful in pastoral situations too.
We want to cultivate a curiosity about the people we are pastoring, the shape of their needs and what has caused them. Most of all, we want to be curious about God and seek to know him through his word. Such curiosity will help us apply God’s Word better.
Empathy
This is about being able to stand in the other person’s shoes, to identify with them in their suffering. Jesus is the ultimate example. He stepped out of heaven and into human nature, the Word becoming flesh. We should be able to stand with fellow sufferers and fellow sinners.
Conclusion
This is not the total story of pastoral care and counselling. Nor should we think of it as a process with steps to work through. Rather, it is an attitude or posture to take into counselling.
Faithroots 