I’ve been arguing for some time that when Paul says “submit to one another” in Ephesians 5, that this means mutual submission, husbands and wives are both to submit to each other. This is controversial in some quarters but actually there is some heavy-weight historical support behind it including from the likes of John Calvin.
Going a bit further, in my opinion, we best sum up Ephesians 5:22ff as “husband love your wife and wife … let him.” Now, put that way, I think we have some pastoral dynamite. It moves us away from arguments about “who is in charge” and “how do decisions get made” to something far more important and pertinent. I want to suggest that one of the hardest things most of us find is letting others in, letting someone genuinely, unconditionally, completely love us. That’s what is meant to happen in a marriage.
“But that only seems to work one way” I hear you say. What about husbands? Do men not also find it hard to let others in. Well, go back to Genesis 2 and what do you discover? The answer is that Eve is described as a suitable helper for Adam. We tend to treat the word “helper” dismissively but remember that God himself is described as the helper of Israel and the Holy Spirit is also identified as our helper. You see, if there is an aspect of “authority” in the concept of headship, thee is also a kind of authority in being a helper. If someone is going to help you, then you have to let them in, you have to open up to them and you have to give them permission to act in your best interests. That means you have to let them care for you. You have to let them love you. So a wife should also love her husband and he should let her.
I think that a lot of us struggle with the idea of letting someone else help us, genuinely and fully help us. We want to retain control but just as when you accept the tech savvy person’s help with your mobile phone, you have to let go of the phone, so too, when we accept help, we have to relinquish control. That is a form of submission.
Faithroots 