Today I turn 50. It’s interesting how those big number birthdays can affect you. I remember feeling a certain weight with turning 40, not so this time round. Perhaps it is that I’m now past any sense of pretence that I’m still young, I cannot ignore that I’m well past the half way mark. I’m only 20 years off of the “three score years and ten. There’s certainly a range within our family history, both my grandads died in their 60s whilst my grandma and several on mum’s side of the family made it into their 90s. In human terms, I might realistically expect to have 20-30 years left, 40 or even at the outside, close to another 50, if I’m blessed with longevity.
There again, I’ve just been working through Luke 12 and there we have the parable of the rich fool. We simply do not know how long God has left for us here. Death can come suddenly and at any moment. I lost two friends, one in the Bradford fire aged 10, another in a fire at University, just aged 20. My Theological College Principal was taken suddenly by a heart attack aged 58. We should not presume that we have x amount of time. However, unlike the rich fool, death should not be for us a tragic interruption but a wonderful home-calling. Football may not be coming home anytime soon but we know that one day we will go home to be with the Lord.
So, today is an opportunity for reflection. First, I’m thankful, I can look back and see how my saviour has led me all the way, safely thus far. Now, this doesn’t mean that life has always been easy. I’ve alluded to painful moments above and I can think of other trials and challenges we’ve been through. In many ways, my life has been 50 years of putting to death my own ambitions and dreams. These have included ambitions and dreams in work and politics. Even more dangerous to me were perhaps those that I could dress up in spiritual clothes, the shadow visions of Gospel work, the idols of identity and respect that sneak in with calling. Perhaps that’s one good reason why 50 feels easier than 40, I’m not resisting the uprooting of those idols quite so much. Our generation has its “bucket lists” of things to hit by major age milestones. Very little would have been crossed off my list.
But where Jesus has lead me may not have been exactly where I would have expected him to or even where I might have wanted to go but he has lead me exactly where he wanted to and needed to. He’s led my on the right paths for my good and his glory. He’s helped my to learn to trust and depend on him. I’ve much to thank him for too.
What this has also meant is that I’ve been learning a lesson about preparation and timing. Again, our culture encourages us to believe that we have to get the big things done early. If you haven’t achieved your ambitions by 40 or even 30, you are considered a failure. Indeed, the idea is that you achieve your goals as early as possible and then as soon as possible, put your feet up to enjoy your retirement. Yet, with God, I think things are different. First, Sarah and I would have a sense that the things we are getting to do now, things that might seem small in the world’s eyes but are huge from God’s perspective are what matters and everything up until now has been preparation.
Secondly, you may recall that just under 2 years ago I was sat with our family around my mum’s bedside as she went home to be with her Lord and Saviour. I spoke then of the sense we had of heaven coming down into that room as mum told us she was ready to go home, of Jesus not waiting on the other side but coming to meet her. This reminded me that for believers, the best days are always ahead of us because the best days are into eternity and the joy that some day soon we will see Him face to face.
All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His faithful mercies?
Who through life has been my guide
Heavenly peace, divinest comfort
Ere by faith in Him to dwell
For I know whate’er fall me
Jesus doeth all things well
All of the way my Savior leads me
And He cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me strength for every trial
And He feeds me with the living bread
And though my weary steps may falter
And my soul a-thirst may be
Gushing from a rock before me
Though a spirit joy I see
And all the way my Savior leads me
Oh, the fullness of His love
Perfect rest in me is promised
In my Father’s house above
When my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it’s flight through the realms of the day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
(Fanny Crosby)
Faithroots 