Back when I was at a previous church, we met a particular pastoral situation when someone who had got divorced wanted to remarry. Unsurprisingly, the leaders held to a variety of views because there are a diversity of views among Evangelicals more widely. We didn’t want to just look at the individual case but rather to think ahead recognising that this was not going to be an unusual issue to face.
The result was a discussion paper available still on the publications page here. It is perhaps worth me saying here that some of the publications are intended as e-books setting out teaching. Others such as this one and the one on men and women in leadership started out life as discussion papers to help a specific local church. Conclusions are therefore context based and I might not write the same advice today for other contexts but I thought it was helpful to have them available as a model to show how we approached issues then, where the field of play is and the boundaries of debate and enable you to put something together in your context.
It’s also important to observe that the paper on divorce identified four different positions reflecting interpretation from respected evangelical scholars. That should perhaps encourage us to hold lightly to our own position. A church will need to have a position to help it make decisions but I think that is best held lightly with a generous approach to diversity of opinions within the leadership on non-essential issues.
I also think that it is crucial that we recognise that the motivation for the Bible’s teaching on any difficult issue is “grace” not harsh and heavy legalism. This is important first because God’s Word will always offer more grace than our attempts at mercy even when it feels like law.
Secondly, it matters because we need to check that our own approach and motives are also about grace. I remember talking to my mum and her sharing some of her experiences. Mum had married young, she was horrifically treated by her husband. I understand he would often desert her and even steal her belongings to sell. Eventually, her pastor, who got what grace is about counselled her that she was free, her husband had broken and killed the marriage covenant. And if she was free to divorce, then it was as though that old relationship was dead, so she was free to remarry. Well eventually, she did meet my dad and they fell in love. Their pastor happily conducted their marriage. But mum was aware that not every Christian looked at her in the same way. She too had to learn more about grace and healing, love and forgiveness.
Mum’s testimony has helped me think about how I approach the issue pastorally and helped me to get what Moses, Jesus and Paul were about. Notice that I mean all three of them. Sometimes we can try to pit Jesus against Moses or Paul. All three were concerned about grace and mercy. All three were concerned about compassion, care and protection.
They spoke into a world where men frequently saw women as possessions to own, use and abuse. Hard hearted men, according to Jesus. The point was that you couldn’t just treat marriage and your wife with contempt, discarding her when you had enough. The point is that men were not free to move between women as they pleased or to pass them around for their gratification.
One of the things that God’s law on marriage (including the divorce) bits does is confirm the dignity and worth of women. It is designed to protect them.
This is important first because sadly today hard heartedness means that this world finds ways to mistreat and use women. Church ministry that really is engaging deep into our society will bring us into contact with men who have never seen sacrificial, faithful love modelled. It will also bring us into contact with women who have been neglected, deserted, betrayed and many times over.
Do we get that? Here’s a thought experiment. Think of the women Jesus meets at the well. Do we instinctively assume that her five husbands indicate loose morals in her part? Or do we at least allow the possibility that here is a woman who has been passed around by men with little if any say in the matter?
God’s word is intended to love and care for those who have found that humans fail them and let them down. We all find in his word that he is faithful and dependable. It’s important to check our church policies and approaches to ensure they reflect that grace.
Faithroots 