I remember the conversation well. We were part of a church at the time that published a term card with the topics and speakers listed for each Sunday. The other person looked at the term card and saw that coming up was a sermon on Ephesians 5:22-32. They said “I think I’ll give that Sunday a miss.” You see, as a single person, they both couldn’t see the relevance of the subject “wives and husbands” to their situation and in fact were afraid that it was going to be a painful experience listening to the sermon that week.
I understand and sympathise with their feelings. I was reminded of what they said because I’m about to preach that passage this coming Sunday. It got me thinking, not just about that specific passage but about how at any one point, some of us will struggle with the content and application of a specific sermon and be tempted to skip it. There is, I believe, a responsibility on us to look after people when those tricky and challenging moments come, the, what we call “triggering” message these days.
Now, one option is simply to pre-warn people, to let them know what is coming up so that they have the option to stay home. I’m not sure that this is what is most needed. They should in any case be able to work out what is coming up, even if you don’t publish a term card. The simple fact is that if you preach chapter by chapter, verse by verse through a book of the bible, then the congregation will know when you are going to be speaking on specific things. However, I do think that church leaders should particularly look out for those who will struggler and walk through that with them. A big part of helping is not so much warning them so that they can stay away but rather, helping them to see the benefits of being there. So, let’s talk about why you should not skip church, even when you really want to and feel like you need to. We will use Ephesians 5 as a worked example but it will apply to lots of other occasions.
First of all, please don’t stay away because there is much more to why we gather on Sunday than the sermon. I think that at times, conservative evangelicals can act as though the sermon is the only or even the primary reason for gathering but actually, I’m not sure that this is what Scripture tells us. By trying to put the focus on being Biblical, we may end up being sub-Biblical! The gathering should be around God’s Word, there should be an expectation that God will speak to us through the Word but being “word -centred” is not the same as being all about the sermon or even sermon-centred. You may struggle with the preaching bit but you will receive by being encouraged by others, by spending time worshipping together in sung praise, by praying together and by hearing what others have to share in testimony and prophecy. Not only this, but we want you there because you have something to give too. You will be blessed and you will bless others by your presence.
Secondly, be there because you might not be the only person who would prefer to avoid that Bible passage, the preacher might too. I remember being very nervous in my early days as a pastor about the prospect of preaching through Ephesians, Colossians or 1 Peter because I knew that the stuff on marriage would come up and as well as being sensitive to some it would be controversial with others. A preacher might prefer to avoid specific Bible passages. That’s the point about systematic expository preaching. We have no option but to work through Ephesians 5 this Sunday because that’s where we’ve got to.
Thirdly, be there because even if the message isn’t specifically for you, it may be that hearing it will help you to help others and to know how to pray for them in an informed way. It’s for this same reason that I think Christians should hear evangelistic talks. I want single people to hear sermons about marriage, married people to hear sermons about singleness and childless couples to hear sermons about parenting. That way you will have a sense of what your brothers and sisters are called to. We are meant to bear one another’s burdens. At a minimum, it will help you know how to pray for others.
Fourthly, because, yes, it may be painful but there is a benefit in this context to being exposed to that pain if it is for your good and enables you to grow and keep going. We live in an age which wants the comfortable way out when God’s Word calls us to take the hard way through. This is exactly where we need to be helping one another. Hopefully others will know when and why you find something hard but if not, then don’t be afraid to share with someone you trust why the specific topic is difficult for you.
Fifth, because there may be more there for you than you realise. The direct application may not be obviously for you but there may be analogous relevance. A sermon on how husbands loving their wives and wives letting them may not seem directly relevant to someone who isn’t married but in fact, we are all called to submit to one another and love one another so there may be unexpected prompts that encourage you to think about what these things mean for you. The big surprise in Ephesians 5 is that Paul suddenly announces that the marriage stuff is really about Jesus and the church. As I often say, we are all going to have a wedding day eventually. The passage was about and for you all along because it is about the church.
Faithroots 