A lot of the debate about complementarianism in marriage focuses on two questions.
- What do the Greek words kephale and hupotasso mean in their contexts. Or what does it mean to refer to the husband as “head” and to instruct a wife to submit in Ephesians 5:22-32.
- Does Ephesians 5:21 indicate mutual submission and does this apply to the marriage context as well.
I have argued that yes, Ephesians 5:21 does describe mutual submission and that this flows into Paul’s instructions for marriage. So, my approach is that husbands and wives do submit to one an other in marriage, within the context of the husband’s headship. This means that there is still an asymmetry in terms of what this looks like and this may be why the word “submit” is implied[1] for wives in v22 but different language is used in v24.In my MTh dissertation I also dealt with questions about what the words kephale and hupotasso meant in context. I want to say a little more here and help you see my thinking through of the subject.
There has been a lot of talk about how Paul doesn’t tell husbands to exercise headship and in one sense it is true that there isn’t an imperative, “be the head” or “lead” or such like, I am inclined to suggest that carefully looking at Ephesians 5:25-29 does show us what Paul expects a husband’s headship to involve. Paul writes:
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
Now, when we talk about following Christ’s example of sacrificial love, He gave himself up for the church, I believe it is right to see that in “submission” terms. The husband is putting his wife’s needs first, above his own.
However, in New Testament imagery, remember that for Jesus, laying down your life is what shepherds do for their flocks, In fact, the whole language of loving, laying down your life, hence protecting and feeding is shepherding language and describes what Christ does for us. Put that together with the way in which Israel had shepherd kings rather than modern style leaders and I think it is legitimate to say that whilst Paul doesn’t use the phrase “Be the head” he does tell his readers how to be the head in their family.
It is important to note that this does go further than the idea of “leading in self sacrifice” as has been suggested by some. Yes, of course the husband does lead in that, though to be clear, the wife is not asked to follow his lead in that regard. However, it is also more that that because we are being told why he is to be willing to do this. It is to do with his responsibility to provide and protect. This is what he has authority to do. And yes, this can all be summed up in the command “love your wives….” That’s why I habitually now suggest that we can sum up Ephesians 5:22-32 as saying “husbands love your wives and wives, let them.”
I’ve also increasingly suggested that if a wife submits by letting her husband love her then her submission means that she entrusts herself to him. Note that when I say “means that” I’m not saying this is the dictionary definition of hupotasso, I’m trying to describe something of what it experientially entails.
This is important because over the years I’ve seen two primary approaches to the command to submit in Ephesians 5. On the one hand, there have been those who insist that submission is a hierarchal thing, you submit to someone ranked above you. This can feed into the harder end patriarchal type approaches to complementarianism. It also means that some Egalitarians have adopted hermeneutics which suggest that we can overturn the instruction now.
The other approach focuses on an attitude of mind and can be in danger of reducing “submit” to “have a humble disposition”. There is of course a humility in submission but it suggests a lot more than just “think of the other person as better than you.” Submission then involves actively placing yourself into a type of relationship with the other person. Some authors talk in terms of aligning with the will of the other and within the scope set out in effect renouncing your will for theirs, your ambitions and dreams for theirs. Of course in a Christian marriage, Ephesians 5 is suggesting that this is in fact a win-win situation because your husband’s mission is to love you.
Again, this means that the wife is not being asked to lay ddown her life and this is why I think we can talk in terms of “entrusting to” for her part. She is trusting him to love her and to seek her welfare even as she relinquishes her priorities. It is “lose-lose” in order to “win-win”.
[1] It is absent in v22 but the verse hangs off of v21 so that it is reasonable to infer it in.
Faithroots 