I’ve frequently took to talking about the way that churches need “mums and dads”. I think this familial language moves us away from much of the power dynamic that afflicts the egalitarian- complementarian debate.
I think that both egalitarians and comolementarians alike have missed something in their own way – the need for mums. So, complementarians risk assuming that we’ve assigned the elder role and therefore we have the dads in place, then settle for that. We miss the importance of spiritual mums. On the other hand, egalitarians may just as much risk forgetting about the need for mums. The women’s ordination debate risked encouraging the sense that there was a role that either gender could fill, it was neutral. But if the role was really, historically a fatherly role (and some traditions even use the language of father, Pappa or patriarch) then do we risk trying to turn everyone into a father, so missing still the mother role?
My concern here though is with the risks that cond with talk of spiritual mothers and fathers. We have seen some of this with the reports of failings within the Bethel movement. There are currently questions about whether young women were assigned “spiritual fathers” though oddly enough, not “spiritual mothers” and whether such roles became unhealthy, controlling and even sexualised.
Hopefully, we will avoid such dangers. However, I think we can face another one. What happens if a church member cannot look to any of the elders as being a spiritual father. And of course you can see the issue for someone in their late 50s who has followed Jesus much if their life in a church where the staff team are in their 30s having come to faith and been placed on a ministry training track at University
This is where setting the boundaries about what we are really talking about counts. We are not saying that leaders become literal spiritual parents. We are using analogical or metaphorical language.
What is it that we specifically mean when we say that someone is a spiritual father or mother? Well, the OT Law gave parents the duty to teach their children the Law. In other words, when we describe elders as like dads we are pointing to the responsibility and authority that elders have to teach God’s Word to congregations and one to one. Nothing more, nothing less. I think that with men in the church there will, generally speaking, be a providing and protecting dynamic to this and the spiritual mums will, generally speaking, bring a nurturing dynamic.
This means that it should not be a case where one on one relationships develop a codependent, power dynamic or a special and exclusive intimacy. Nor do we particularly have to look to the person’s age. Rather we look to them to be those who teach us, who apply God’s Word to us and who set an example in their own lives.
So whilst the “mum and dad” language may be helpful as we encourage a sense of church family, we also need to be careful to properly understand and control that language.
Faithroots 